Cable Over Cleavage

You ever have bootleg cable?

I did.

Back in the day.

Save your judgment.

Anyway.

2020 has been weird, frustrating and tiresome.

But all that’s about to change.

Its football season and since I love football (my New Orleans Saints — WHO DAT) I’ve upgraded my regular cable to include the NFL Network.

This means I am better than you… unless you have it too.

It also means that I’m so excited.

I just can’t hide it.

I get every single NFL game.

I may turn my home office into a giant walk-in refrigerator full of beer.

Blue Moon, please.

I might turn the kitchen sink into a urinal — because I will never leave my house again.

COVID outside.

So instead of going to Chicago Pizza to watch my New Orleans Saints destroy their opponents week after week, I can watch Drew Brees & the Crew from the comfort of my very own couch.

No more dealing with the fake smiles from the waitresses while they cleverly flash cleavage for higher tips.